Category: Let's talk
I'll get right to the point, I have a roomate, and she is an absoutely slob. I can't do much about it, because she becomes rather defensive, and possessive over her things, but she takes up over three fourths of the apartment.
She is a good person, but I'm seriously considering moving out.
I've had a number of people ask me why the place is such a disaster, and I must strongly express that the mess is not mine.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a white glove ouse keeper, but I am a neat freak, and this I feel is not healthy for me.
It's horifying when people think it's me when it's clearly not, and the disaster reflects poorly .on my skills as a blind person.
One more thing, she is in the process of going blind, and I keep telling her that she's going to have to make some big changes when her vision is gone, but I believe she's in denial.
Friends and I have considered an intervention, but I'm fairly certain it won't have much of an impact. So, my choice is to move on.
Who owns the lease? If it's you, don't move out but kick her out, however if it's the other way around I'd just explain to her first that this will be improved or else you will move out. I myself do not have a room mate partly for this reason. I don't think I'd ever turn to a room mate either. I have a co-signer instead and you may want to consider this on your next move. Basically this person pays your rent for you if you are having issues.
Troy
It sounds like you've already made your decision and planned how to execute it.
CR considered this her being a slob may be down to the fact that she cannot cope with her decreasing sight. Instead of insulting her and being so unhelpful, you could advise and support her..she needs that more than constant abuse.
Hm, maybe she is just a slob and will always be a slob, in which case she's not the ideal roommate for you, simply because you guys won't be able to create a home that's comfortable for both of you. But it sounds from your post as if there's more behind it than that. You mention that she's defensive, that she is losing her sight, and that she is defensive about her habits. Since you already suspect that this might be a factor, perhaps Goblin is right--perhaps instead of distancing yourself from her and her mess, you could try to find out just what is going on? And perhaps you, who already functions with little or no sight (which is what she's trying to adjust to) could offer her some help or advice, or at least a bit of compassion and slack until she gets used to her new situation? Of course moving out is a perfectly legitimate option since you're not your roommate's keeper, so to speak, but this might be another option you could consider.
If she were my roommate! I'd talk to her and I'd try to help her as much as possible! If she refused to listen to me and if she were rude to me then I'd leave! Good luck with what ever you decide!
Sit her down and set some boundaries telling her how its going to be from here on out. I wouldn't give a damn whether they were defensive or possessive over their things, depending on who's in charge over the lease whether it's an apartment or household it's still that person's responsibility to maintain a healthy living envirnonment rather than a pig stye to live in. The manager wouldn't give damn who's fault it is for being messy because all of the blame will be going to the person who signed the lease. So Crystal Rain if your the one in charge of the lease. I'm highly suggesting you to make some changes concerining your room mate otherwise you'll be the one looking bad even though your one trying keep the place clean. If this problem continues then get rid of her and find another room mate and/or let her take over the lease and you move out and find somewhere else to live.
I mean for one I wouldn't want a slob living with me and secondly like she said above if one doesn't clean up after themselves then both will get accused of having poor living skills. This would especially look bad on you if you just got through graduating a program or still in one that is teaching you the living skills that you learned or still learning.
and I'm pretty sure you don't want the manager jumping down your ass and putting you under pressure because of your room mate. I'm wishing you the best of luck with this situation. You sound like you need it.
Well said. Rather it's room mates, friends, etc. the signer of the lease is responsible for the apartment. I know at least that's the case with our manajer as well, your friends or whoever makes the mess, you are still responsible. Anyways I would just sit down and talk with her about her ways and tell her how much it bothers you. Good luck!
Troy
I am a slight slob but gotta say that if you are a neat freak and she a slob it will not work. Maybe she feels that needs to create lots of mess because that's her life style. Like me. So my question is was she like this when she moved in?
CR if you have already decided why did you ask for our input? also I don't understand why you invited this person to live with you if you were aware of her problem with hygiene..it seems a bit strange.
Hmmm, this is rather difficult. But if nothing else helps, it might be best to move out indeed.
First of all, let me clear a few things up.
I really am an approachable person. I might come across as a bit costic, but I consider myself to be a person who shows or at least tries, to show a fair amount of compassion.
second, she invited me to live with her, and because of circumstances beyond my control, I had no place else to go. If I had known what she was like as far as a house keeper, I'd have never moved in. Also, her vision has been going for at least three years now, and I've tried in every way I know how to approach her with my concerns.
As far as the mannager is concerned, she has even expressed her concerns for the state of the house, so you see, it's not only me that is concerned.
So, to those who think I was rude, it is best not to assume because you are not in the situation.
I asked for advice, not to be ridiculed.
I'm not trying to be defensive, just at my whits end with this one
Yes but will you listen to the advice hmm?
Well I don't think you were rude, and, I stick to my opinion. If nothing else helps, then, seriously, I hope you'll find ap lace to stay.